11 days post-op: My scars are gnarly...and 4 more weeks of sling-ing it

i had my first post-op check up yesterday and finally had my dressings removed, and stitches taken out. i have 3 gnarly scars (2 in the front, 1 in the back) plus some crazy-ass purple scribbles from their surgery markings. kinda gross but you kinda wanna see them, right? (viewer discretion advised) and yes, my purple shirt was a coincidence.




good news is that i can shower again! woohoo! bad news is that i still have to wear the terminator sling for another 4 weeks.

oh, and no sun, submerged baths, hot tubs, vitamin e cream, or other scar-reducing treatments for at least two months. boo.

4 days post-op, plus 10 things that are hard / impossible to do with one arm (part 3)

it's been four days since i had surgery to repair a tear in my labrum from a fall back in march. the tear was smaller than anticipated so they didn't have to drill any anchors into my shoulder which hopefully translates to a speedier recovery. i'm resting a lot and doing my post-op exercises each day but still learning to deal with the pain and life with my new big sling that I have to wear 24/7.

and in all morbid recovery blog posts like this, i must show you how i look right now! ok, no parental discretion needed. i just have a massive dressing on my right shoulder which will come off early next week.



and here's a pic of my giant sling. i need to name it something, esp since it will be spending 24/7 with me in the next 4-6 weeks and even comes with its own attached stress ball.


oh, and here's another list of things you can't do with one arm. and this time i'm serious since it's not like i can even cheat and use my bad arm if push comes to shove like last time.

1. wash and dry your hair. seriously.
2. trim a christmas tree. luckily friends are happy to oblige if you bribe them with food and drinks. (see below)
3. tie your hair in a ponytail.
4. open med bottles.
5. open bottles of any kind, for that matter.
6. fluff your pillows or blankets.
7. crack open an egg nicely.
8. use an SLR...did you ever notice that the shutter release button is only made for right handed people?
9. wear anything that doesn't contain lycra or isn't at least one size bigger than you.
10. properly capitalize your blig posts. hell this post took 45 minutes to type so you're going to have to put up with no capitals.

and on a merrier note, meet dougie, my tree for christmas 2008!

Sleepless in Istanbul

The call to Farj (pre-dawn) prayers just finished. Oddly, it's become one of my favourite moments in Istanbul, as I sit here in the dark typing away on my laptop and listening to the serene verses from the Qur'an that I don't understand. I'm sleepless in Istanbul again, and I've come to realize that this whole sleeplessness thing happens to me quite often. Conventional wisdom would attribute it to jetlag, but I think there's something more deeply rooted than that. There's so much clarity in these moments when I'm sitting and organizing my thoughts, either on couch here or on a beach in Malaysia. There's a sense of comfort and serenity that can't be explained. There's a lot I'm battling in my mind these days...surgery, relationships, and to some extent, even the upcoming holidays...it's as though too many things are happening at once, and yet, not happening quite soon enough.

I guess it's these sleepless moments that are the actual "getting away from it all" parts of my getaways, and for that reason, I don't really bemoan the loss of sleep or eventual fatigue that will come tomorrow. We spend so much of our time searching for answers, relief, and confirmation that it's hard to really step away -- so I've learned to treasure moments like this where you basically don't need or want anything. It's like an odd vortex of time / space / reality.

Anyway, at this point, I might be thinking too much about it, which would take away from the whole 'clarity' thing I mentioned earlier. I better get back to being sleepless...

Istanbul insights...

The sounds of call to prayer (Farj, or pre-dawn) are echoing outside. There's a calm yet eerie quality to it, especially since it's still dark outside. I'm in Istanbul, and contrary to the title, this post has nothing to do with any insights I've gathered about Istanbul.

It's 6am in Istanbul and I'm jetlagged. I've just spent the last hour surfing the web, where I came up on a blog written by someone I met recently. Given my line of work, my philosophy on the internet has always been, if it's on there, it's free game. But reading through this particular blog felt strange somehow, like I was intruding on someone's privacy. It made me quickly peruse my own and try to imagine how I'd feel if some near-stranger that had just met me read through it.

I decided that I'd be ok with it...I mean, thoughts are thoughts, and in many senses, blogs are a cathartic way to share your thoughts without having to say them out loud, or to anyone in particular. We're so tied to media and information these days that we don't tell *people* things anymore. It's just easier to blog/tweet/facebook everything. The cool thing is that there's a time-stamped permanent record that allows you to go back and relive the good or the bad. The bad thing is that there's a time-stamped permanent record. Maybe it's our generation's way of coping with the slow disintegration of humanity. Or maybe people are just too lazy to pick up the phone and call, or pick up a pen and write. I guess the jury's still out on that.

As for me, I'm sleepless in Istanbul. Apparently that happens to me quite often.

And as for G: if you ever read this, I'm sorry I read your blog without you knowing. It all makes more sense now.

Turkey on Turkey 2008

And so it begins...another Turkey Day outside the US, and this time I'm headed to, well, Turkey. (the country not the fowl) Regina's already on her gloriously direct flight to Istanbul, and I'll be there in, oh, 20 hours or so. Trip's off to a bumpy start: forcibly checked-in carry-on bag, delayed flight to Frankfurt...all in a day's travel, I suppose. Stay tuned to our adventures in our joint travel blog -- http://reginaviv.blogspot.com/

Görüşmek üzere
(That's "See you later" in Turkish)

:)

Fashion does exist in SF

Old friends, hot fashion, and a sexy new store...makes for a perfect opening party for the fabulous new Gucci digs on Union Square. :)

That was *so* 2006

Wow -- so well put, if I do say so myself. ;) Can't believe that was two years ago. Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose, I suppose.

No plane tickets this time...well, not that many anyway. Time to stay put and actually begin life anew.

Congrats to Mendel and Derek

Just got home from Mendel and Derek's wedding in Boston. I have to say it was probably one of the most relaxing and fun weddings I've been to in a long time, even though I was in the wedding party and all. M&D have such an awesome ease with each other, and their wedding reflected their personalities, quirkiness, and general desire to just be chill and have fun. It was also great to catch up with some familiar faces that I haven't seen in a while. Going to the wedding also gave me a little boost of reassurance that love and romance is still alive in this world -- all the best to you both for a life filled with joy and much love.

Photos can now be found here.

the hardest part

A blog by nature is self-centered and indulgent. You use a very public forum to rant, rave, or generally moan about what's good, bad and ugly in life, and in turn expect that people will either read or be interested in what you have to say. I have no interest in ranting or raving today, but I will be indulgent...just this one time.

the hardest part

it's not the long dark nights
or sleeping on either side,
or even waking up alone.
it's knowing there are no longer
any sides at all.

it's not the sunday afternoons
or wednesday evenings.
it's that each day
brings you farther away.
farther away from what you remember,
farther away from holding on.

it's not the forgetting or forgiving,
the getting over, or moving on.
it's not what could have been, might have been,
should have been.

the hardest part of breaking up
is realizing you've run out of reasons
for why you should not.
and acknowledging that it just wasn't.

Thinking of the past, looking to the future

WHOA. Rough couple of months there...much more than just planetary misalignment or Mercury retrograde. I venture to say that the worst has passed, but obviously, there's still a lot to process in terms of emotions, damages, baggage and closure. Not sure where the next few months will take me, but I'm grateful for the true friends who have stuck around through my stages of denial, indulgence and hysteria -- you guys are the best. Been listening to a lot of Leona Lewis lately, and I suppose Better in Time is the most appropriate piece for the moment...funny how the person who introduced me to it a couple of months ago ended up contributing to all this drama. 

My favourite line from the song?

"I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to / It'll all get better in time."